I am tired as I sit here and write. Glad, impatient and tired. So, I think this will be my rant at the world.
Life stinks today. It just feels yucky today! It didn't even start out ok. Was awoken by a baby. That not a bad thing in general. I just like having a few minutes to wake before she is up. I usually get that and when I don't I get grumpy. Then nothing seemed to be ok after that. I had a girl that was having a crankier day. Either crankier or I was just on edge and it got more on my nerves. Either way, yuck. I also had a mom with the same cranky predicament! And it snowed. Just enough to make my mom continually comment on how hard it would be to drive me to work. So I called in saying the snow was too much for my driver. Guess what happens 20 minutes after. It stops snowing and the snow plow goes by. But, do I go into work, nope! But I do however go and get the mattress for Carrie's twin bed. So, all the parts are here for her to have a big girl bed. Now to put it together!
So, I figure lets do something exciting and productive. Lets put her bed together. I was really excited because I went and bought all new things for her bed including a Dora comforter set! So, off we go. Dad starts setting up the new frame and carrie and I take down the crib and clear the room for the frame and bed. After we take the bed down we wait, and wait, and wait. Well, at 9:30 we are still waiting for dad to finish the drawers to the frame. Nothing else is put together yet. 3 hours to make 3 drawers! If this is a sign of how long things are going to take, it will be well into next week when we finally get her into her bed!
So, I decided to make bedtime fun for Carrie and I. I put the crib mattress into my bedroom and made it all nice and extra cozy for her and said we were going to have a sleepover in mommy`s room. Well, she was not happy with that. She was expecting to sleep in her big girl bed tonight and was even less happy when I did put her to bed. The reality of not tonight was not sitting well with her! I very scared that she is losing the interest in her bed because it is taking SO long. Hell, if I would have known that we wouldn`t have the bed up tonight I would have left the crib up and disrupted everything tomorrow!!!
What an ass backwards day. Not that anything really went horribly wrong, it just was ass backwards. Truth be told I think it started yesterday. Was another one of those days yesterday too. Had customers yellilng and swearing at me and a tired mom when I was at home and a truck that didn`t start, so we couldn`t pick up the bed yesterday. Can`t wait to see what happens tomorrow!
ok, now that its all out there I think I better now! Tomorrow has to be better, I gonna make it so that it is better! Will look for the cuddles tomorrow and the smiles from those that give them to me! and the hope that tomorrow is a finishing day! Think that is all!
Oh, nope. Just thought of something else to complain about. I don`t think there is enough room for the bed in Carrie`s room. Where I want to put it there is a heat register and if I put it on the other wall there is a closet I am blocking off. Oh the joys of it all!!! Crap. That just makes tomorrow interesting. Hopefully I think of something creative through the night. That will be my question for sleep. Find a solution for it!
Ok, well I think I am going to bed! Have a sweet and restful night!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
To have and to hold!!!
I can't help but laugh at some people. I keep reading this is the year to. . . from so many people. It just seems so odd and funny to hear how people wanna change this or that and, like me, have little or nothing to show for it! I know I rarely have anything big to show for the false determination that I have at the begining of the year. Tis a great thing when people can put their minds to it and do it and I stand up and cheer very loudly when people have that kind of strenght. I think I laugh cuz I know I just like most that will likely lose the motivation to get anywhere really. I too comfortable in the past and right now to move foreward and actually change.
I know it not the best way to start an entry, but it brings a little more focus into what may come next. It also may just keep me into a mello bring the house down bantering. Either way, it just feels right tonight!
So, as for the bucket list, I have already started something. I have purchased a mattress for Carrie. I have the frame here already and we get the mattress on Thursday. So, next weekend she will be trying out her new big girl bed. Should be an interesting time. I think it will go with a couple really good nights then a portion of time to test the waters. This will be when she realizes that she can get out of bed any time that she wants to! This should be interesting. And we going to the mountains the last week of June. We are going to Radium and I have already put my holidays in to work. I know a little premature, but I just can't wait for it!
On the work front. I thought I was just casual over the christmas rush, but I was wrong. The let all of the seasonal workers go this week and I am still there. Which means they not letting me go!!! YAY, I get to stay. That is really cool. I am however still looking through news papers and stuff just in case something is to pop up. It is not a really big deal, just in case. You never know what pops up if you don't look.
I had a specialist call me yesterday. I am going to find out what is going on with me (maybe). I have not been regular in a long time and wonder what is wrong. It is not anything obvious so to a specialist I go. The doctor thinks that is has to be an imbalance in my hormones. Either that or stress. Either way this specialist can tell better than he can. Not that I complaining, but I have not been a real lady since March last year. Not a spec of anything ladylike. Has been nice not to have that worry, but I wonder what is happening.
Tomorrow I am going to start looking into smoking and my eating habits again. I am going to start a journal of what, how much, why and whatnot for both. Have been totally slacking off with everything within the holiday season and need to reboot it all up again. It should prove interesting. Although with how much my little girl keeps me going it could prove difficult. Will have to find a way to include her in all of it. Maybe get her to remind me of what we ate or draw some pictures or something. We will see how it goes.
Anyways, I think I am done for tonight. Will discuss how things go in a little while.
I know it not the best way to start an entry, but it brings a little more focus into what may come next. It also may just keep me into a mello bring the house down bantering. Either way, it just feels right tonight!
So, as for the bucket list, I have already started something. I have purchased a mattress for Carrie. I have the frame here already and we get the mattress on Thursday. So, next weekend she will be trying out her new big girl bed. Should be an interesting time. I think it will go with a couple really good nights then a portion of time to test the waters. This will be when she realizes that she can get out of bed any time that she wants to! This should be interesting. And we going to the mountains the last week of June. We are going to Radium and I have already put my holidays in to work. I know a little premature, but I just can't wait for it!
On the work front. I thought I was just casual over the christmas rush, but I was wrong. The let all of the seasonal workers go this week and I am still there. Which means they not letting me go!!! YAY, I get to stay. That is really cool. I am however still looking through news papers and stuff just in case something is to pop up. It is not a really big deal, just in case. You never know what pops up if you don't look.
I had a specialist call me yesterday. I am going to find out what is going on with me (maybe). I have not been regular in a long time and wonder what is wrong. It is not anything obvious so to a specialist I go. The doctor thinks that is has to be an imbalance in my hormones. Either that or stress. Either way this specialist can tell better than he can. Not that I complaining, but I have not been a real lady since March last year. Not a spec of anything ladylike. Has been nice not to have that worry, but I wonder what is happening.
Tomorrow I am going to start looking into smoking and my eating habits again. I am going to start a journal of what, how much, why and whatnot for both. Have been totally slacking off with everything within the holiday season and need to reboot it all up again. It should prove interesting. Although with how much my little girl keeps me going it could prove difficult. Will have to find a way to include her in all of it. Maybe get her to remind me of what we ate or draw some pictures or something. We will see how it goes.
Anyways, I think I am done for tonight. Will discuss how things go in a little while.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
as the wind howls....
As the wind howls in my ear I sit here and ponder all that is and all that was. Today is the where do I start and how do I finish. All the thoughts and ideas swirl around in my head like fish enjoying a current in the water. There are shimmers of light and darkness and all forms inbetween. I am amazed by the plight and relocation of all thoughts within an already swirling mind. You can get lost in all the ways a thought can take you.
The reality is starting to kick in. All the movements within the mind are slowing and just as quickly as they come they are gone. Wishing all that has entertained me for what seems to be hours could continue for all the days left. I realize this thought rollercoaster has taken only minutes to take me away to such a glorius place. As much as glorious, the reality of it all makes my skin crawl.
ok, now to fill in the rambling stated above. Just thinking of how all the things I have on the list are going to be completed within the year. Some are such great ideas and make my heart soar just waiting to do them and others literally make my skin crawl to think of the things needed to be done to complete them. All the things I can't wait to see seem so far away. Today not a good day for the zoo or taking Carrie to the mountains or even outside! I really can't wait to see how she blossoms and grows this year. Big year for her, full of potential and endless possiblities. I purchased her bed yesterday, so late next week will be the start of a big girl bed and the end of a baby crib. The only baby thing left to go are the diapers then I will have a full fledged little person capable of all things I am capable of! I believe she will flourish with the going into a daycare setting as well. Get her seeing with others her age are doing!
As usual I ponder the hows of changing myself. Why is it so difficult to get the get up and go when it involes one self. I read how everyone is changing this year and I know I must as well, but I am a little jealous of other peoples drive to succeed. They sound so determined and I wonder where mine is!
Before I start berrating myself I will stop writing and tend to the thing that makes me the happiest. My little tike is awake and I must go and cuddle her!
The reality is starting to kick in. All the movements within the mind are slowing and just as quickly as they come they are gone. Wishing all that has entertained me for what seems to be hours could continue for all the days left. I realize this thought rollercoaster has taken only minutes to take me away to such a glorius place. As much as glorious, the reality of it all makes my skin crawl.
ok, now to fill in the rambling stated above. Just thinking of how all the things I have on the list are going to be completed within the year. Some are such great ideas and make my heart soar just waiting to do them and others literally make my skin crawl to think of the things needed to be done to complete them. All the things I can't wait to see seem so far away. Today not a good day for the zoo or taking Carrie to the mountains or even outside! I really can't wait to see how she blossoms and grows this year. Big year for her, full of potential and endless possiblities. I purchased her bed yesterday, so late next week will be the start of a big girl bed and the end of a baby crib. The only baby thing left to go are the diapers then I will have a full fledged little person capable of all things I am capable of! I believe she will flourish with the going into a daycare setting as well. Get her seeing with others her age are doing!
As usual I ponder the hows of changing myself. Why is it so difficult to get the get up and go when it involes one self. I read how everyone is changing this year and I know I must as well, but I am a little jealous of other peoples drive to succeed. They sound so determined and I wonder where mine is!
Before I start berrating myself I will stop writing and tend to the thing that makes me the happiest. My little tike is awake and I must go and cuddle her!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Here itcomes!!!!
It sure does. Only a few more hours til the new year comes pushing out the old year. What can I say about the old year. Not all that much really. Nothing really big or exciting happened. I had a friend move back into the city. Not that I have seen her, but I intend to remedy that come the new year. I gain 20 pounds and lost 13 of them! I got a job ( about time I did anyway). and I saw my daughter turn 2! Guess that one is a big one! Although every year will be a big one to me anyway!
As for the next year. I am pushing for a differnt kind of year. One full of new and different. I am determined to not have another year of blah at this time next year! So, to the list, the bucket list !
1. To own my own drivers license.
2. take Carrie to the zoo
3. be smoke free for a day
4. be smoke free for a week
5. be smoke free for a month
6. see 200 pounds on the weigh scale when I step on
7. See under 200 when I step on the scale
8. see the 180's on the scale
9. have a form of transportation or live where there is transportation
10. to be in or at a place where it is just Carrie and I
11. find a differing job than with Walmart.... or more stable hours dates and times!
12. get carrie into a daycare/dayhome to get her with more children!
13. go to the mountains with Carrie!
14. get Carrie to pee on the potty once for me
15. get carrie to be dry for a day
16. get Carrie to be dry for a week
17. Get Carrie to be dry for a month
18. Big girl bed for Carrie!
19. find something social for me to do!
20. be absolutly positive!
Some are pretty precise and others are kinda vague. I gonna keep them that way. Certain ones go together and others are very much apart. I keep them all that way to be that simple for me!I already have a handle on it cuz I am more positive about this all!! I guarantee that all CAN be done and WILL be done. It is that simple.
Happy New Year to all. And I hope for the resolove that you are looking for, and that which you are not looking for as well!!!!
cheers!
As for the next year. I am pushing for a differnt kind of year. One full of new and different. I am determined to not have another year of blah at this time next year! So, to the list, the bucket list !
1. To own my own drivers license.
2. take Carrie to the zoo
3. be smoke free for a day
4. be smoke free for a week
5. be smoke free for a month
6. see 200 pounds on the weigh scale when I step on
7. See under 200 when I step on the scale
8. see the 180's on the scale
9. have a form of transportation or live where there is transportation
10. to be in or at a place where it is just Carrie and I
11. find a differing job than with Walmart.... or more stable hours dates and times!
12. get carrie into a daycare/dayhome to get her with more children!
13. go to the mountains with Carrie!
14. get Carrie to pee on the potty once for me
15. get carrie to be dry for a day
16. get Carrie to be dry for a week
17. Get Carrie to be dry for a month
18. Big girl bed for Carrie!
19. find something social for me to do!
20. be absolutly positive!
Some are pretty precise and others are kinda vague. I gonna keep them that way. Certain ones go together and others are very much apart. I keep them all that way to be that simple for me!I already have a handle on it cuz I am more positive about this all!! I guarantee that all CAN be done and WILL be done. It is that simple.
Happy New Year to all. And I hope for the resolove that you are looking for, and that which you are not looking for as well!!!!
cheers!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tis the season over already!!!
Well, it is a couple days after christmas and all seems to be back to the normal already! Christmas had its up and downs. I had a sick baby for christmas this year which sucked the big one. She is on the mend now and back to her terrorizing ways! Just kidding, she doesn't terrorize, just doesn't slow down. It was a good time full of family, lots of good food and conversation, and an unexpected phone call. Oh how I enjoy when he calls me. It's never like we are on the phone. I see him sitting in front of me the moment he says hello Bambi! I get the warm fuzzy feeling that I always do when he calls. He is one of the few friends that for all the things I think when I see things or hear things, it doesn't matter when I hear or see him! It's kinda strange. Not sure if he is putting that power over me or I put that there to keep myself connected. Either way, for how strange it is, I think I would be lost without it! I guess that is what 13 years of friendship does to people!
In an earlier writing I wrote about seeing HIM again. And I did at work the other day. I had to snicker to myself. He was trying to pull of this funny little number with an old mans hat and young clothing and it made me laugh. For someone that I had such adoration for some months ago, its all gone now! Not sure where it went, but was kinda glad to see it go! Although he had my attention immediatly and until he left the store, it was not what I used to remember me doing! No thought of what I would do to him or wow look at that good looking. Was all about what was he thinking! Just to clarify the person above is not the same as this guy!
On other notes. Nothing has really changed. I haven't lost any weight (or even tried to) and no plan of quitting smoking. Have just been sitting back and enjoying the time that I am having. It's kind of odd that this past week I have totally been just in the moment and taking it all in! Has been extremely nice and hope I can bring this enjoyment into the new year and every year hence forth.
I have a friend that said something the other day and I agree with her. Instead of resolutions for the year she has created a "bucket list" for the year. Its the things she wants to have done by end of year. Kinda like my goals. I really like this idea and how simple it can really be. So, this I am going to try this year! Will probably turn into a goals list like usual, but I am going to try and bucket list it. Main categories are goind to be : weight loss, smoking, and a great achievement of getting Carrie and I on our own. If you are thinking its about time we get out on our own I agree!!! Think I may even throw in a getting drivers license in there! That would be a great asset to have!
Anyway, on that not I have a list to go and create! Will write them when I have a moment to !!!!
Have a very prosperous new year and If I don't write before then expect a great 2011!!!!!!!!
In an earlier writing I wrote about seeing HIM again. And I did at work the other day. I had to snicker to myself. He was trying to pull of this funny little number with an old mans hat and young clothing and it made me laugh. For someone that I had such adoration for some months ago, its all gone now! Not sure where it went, but was kinda glad to see it go! Although he had my attention immediatly and until he left the store, it was not what I used to remember me doing! No thought of what I would do to him or wow look at that good looking. Was all about what was he thinking! Just to clarify the person above is not the same as this guy!
On other notes. Nothing has really changed. I haven't lost any weight (or even tried to) and no plan of quitting smoking. Have just been sitting back and enjoying the time that I am having. It's kind of odd that this past week I have totally been just in the moment and taking it all in! Has been extremely nice and hope I can bring this enjoyment into the new year and every year hence forth.
I have a friend that said something the other day and I agree with her. Instead of resolutions for the year she has created a "bucket list" for the year. Its the things she wants to have done by end of year. Kinda like my goals. I really like this idea and how simple it can really be. So, this I am going to try this year! Will probably turn into a goals list like usual, but I am going to try and bucket list it. Main categories are goind to be : weight loss, smoking, and a great achievement of getting Carrie and I on our own. If you are thinking its about time we get out on our own I agree!!! Think I may even throw in a getting drivers license in there! That would be a great asset to have!
Anyway, on that not I have a list to go and create! Will write them when I have a moment to !!!!
Have a very prosperous new year and If I don't write before then expect a great 2011!!!!!!!!
Monday, December 20, 2010
another day, another thought or 2!!
Well, it has been awhile, yet again, and I truly cannot complain much!
I have been working for almost a month and I still enjoying most of it. There are moments (usually when I mess up and know that I did) that I sit there and cringe, but there are more moments of enjoy than not want to. I am getting along with everyone and have even made my own friends. I had quite the compliment today even. I was told that I was too nice and friendly to be a cashier! I thought it was funny, but I took it as a good thing! And to my surprise, I have not had the wonderful occasion of grumpy customer yet (knock on wood).
As for weight loss.... I am so very surprised at wherei sit. I am 3 pounds away from the goal that I half heartedly set in November. If memory serves me right, I did not set the goal of weight loss, it was to watch what I was eating. Who would have known that loss of weight would occur! I assume with the going back to work and such that this has helped with the whole thing! Whatever it is thank goodness and I hope it will keep going! I am feeling pretty good about it all!
The not smoking goal is still kinda back burner for me. I am still watching the amount that I smoke, but I am not putting lots of effort and energy into it at the moment. I am going to give it a good push come the new year. Won't make it a by the end of the year resolution, not an as of the first resolution. Making it right then usually sets me up for failure. Wanna make sure I can put 110% into it. Not a half hearted attempt. The fast coming holidays are too much to stress about another thing!
Well, I think that is all. Am starting to think of goals for the next year. Think I am going to shoot big for next year. If the mood stays the way that it is right now, I am going to achieve big things next year! Might be the year to try and find a way to be just Carrie and I! Love the parents and having them around always.... It is time to be just me and her! Time to see how well I can be mom without the grandparents! That will be a wonderful experience!
If I do not write before..... have a wonderful holiday season and will talk again before the new year for sure. I will write my goals for 2011 then!
I have been working for almost a month and I still enjoying most of it. There are moments (usually when I mess up and know that I did) that I sit there and cringe, but there are more moments of enjoy than not want to. I am getting along with everyone and have even made my own friends. I had quite the compliment today even. I was told that I was too nice and friendly to be a cashier! I thought it was funny, but I took it as a good thing! And to my surprise, I have not had the wonderful occasion of grumpy customer yet (knock on wood).
As for weight loss.... I am so very surprised at wherei sit. I am 3 pounds away from the goal that I half heartedly set in November. If memory serves me right, I did not set the goal of weight loss, it was to watch what I was eating. Who would have known that loss of weight would occur! I assume with the going back to work and such that this has helped with the whole thing! Whatever it is thank goodness and I hope it will keep going! I am feeling pretty good about it all!
The not smoking goal is still kinda back burner for me. I am still watching the amount that I smoke, but I am not putting lots of effort and energy into it at the moment. I am going to give it a good push come the new year. Won't make it a by the end of the year resolution, not an as of the first resolution. Making it right then usually sets me up for failure. Wanna make sure I can put 110% into it. Not a half hearted attempt. The fast coming holidays are too much to stress about another thing!
Well, I think that is all. Am starting to think of goals for the next year. Think I am going to shoot big for next year. If the mood stays the way that it is right now, I am going to achieve big things next year! Might be the year to try and find a way to be just Carrie and I! Love the parents and having them around always.... It is time to be just me and her! Time to see how well I can be mom without the grandparents! That will be a wonderful experience!
If I do not write before..... have a wonderful holiday season and will talk again before the new year for sure. I will write my goals for 2011 then!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
long time no write!
Well, it has been a long while and things have happend.
I am now gainfully employed by Walmart. Have been since Novermber the 23rd! Has been kinda fun. Am enjoying the time away from Carrie and she seems to not mind that I am gone. Just the mornings that I am not home she wonders about me! lol Am kinda wondering about it though. Just seems kinda to weird and out there! Me at Walmart working with my mom. But, I'll get over it. Just wish everyone would stop going to my mom saying I doing ok and talking about me and comparing me to her. I expected it, but can't wait for it to stop.
As for the meals I have been doing fairly well. As of Monday I am 13 pounds down. Am quite surprised actually. Have not been watching as much I had last month, but it still going down. I like these kind of surprises. If all works well, I could make the goal of being 200 by new years!!!! When I started I thought that would be a nice idea, not really a goal. Now it almost seems attainable! YAY ME!!!
I am not really in the christmas spirit this year. Am trying to get there cuz I love christmas, but ust can't seem to get there! Maybe once the tree and decorations are up that might be different. I hope the tree changes my feeling of christmas.
That about all I can think of. I am tired so, I can't get too excited! Will talk more when I get the energy!
I am now gainfully employed by Walmart. Have been since Novermber the 23rd! Has been kinda fun. Am enjoying the time away from Carrie and she seems to not mind that I am gone. Just the mornings that I am not home she wonders about me! lol Am kinda wondering about it though. Just seems kinda to weird and out there! Me at Walmart working with my mom. But, I'll get over it. Just wish everyone would stop going to my mom saying I doing ok and talking about me and comparing me to her. I expected it, but can't wait for it to stop.
As for the meals I have been doing fairly well. As of Monday I am 13 pounds down. Am quite surprised actually. Have not been watching as much I had last month, but it still going down. I like these kind of surprises. If all works well, I could make the goal of being 200 by new years!!!! When I started I thought that would be a nice idea, not really a goal. Now it almost seems attainable! YAY ME!!!
I am not really in the christmas spirit this year. Am trying to get there cuz I love christmas, but ust can't seem to get there! Maybe once the tree and decorations are up that might be different. I hope the tree changes my feeling of christmas.
That about all I can think of. I am tired so, I can't get too excited! Will talk more when I get the energy!
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