I saw him again!!!

Well, my brithday has come and gone. Was pretty uneventful morning. Had a cranky baby from the wake up.... so back to bed she went until 11:30. Then pancakes and a change of plans. Was suppost to go to sisters for dinner and a night over there, but lines got crossed and she worked the evening. So, that was a bust. Was going to spend the day at home with my baby doing everything boring and the same. Then we decided that we could go and see this ho down thing at the Rez. And that is where I saw him again. 

Was wondering if he was going to be there and he initially wasn't there. Had Carrie jumping in the big moon walk jumpy thing, I turned around and tada... he came around the corner. It was as though I was meant to turn around just at that moment. OH the hair, the eyes, that smile and that bum!!! I melted at that moment, as I always do when he comes around.

Then without warning he surprises me again. He does this every once in awhile. I have known for a long time that he is a good native singer and drummer, but it was recently that I saw him play a guitar. There was a surprise. Then he amazed me farther by showing me that he could dance.  Another big surprise. And today the surprise was he could sing  (in English) and play guitar at the same time. He sang 2 Johnny Cash song and my ears were amazed! I could have just taken him backstage and smothered him with love at that moment.

Ok, my mind could have smothered him with love. That is the thing. I can look and smile and imagine all the wonderful things, but when it comes time I do nothing. Case and point : later that day I had Carrie in the jumpy thing again and he brought his girlfriends kids there and he was standing right beside me. Did I say anything or do anything.... nope, just made as though I was watching Carrie and didn't see him. And when he knew that I knew he was there I just smiled, crossed my arms and looked away! 

Boy, the things that the mind can do that your body and will doesn't let you do. The courage and strength always runs when faced with such things. My heart aches with the idea of him and the things he might say and do.  Funny what lust can bring the mind to do!

I feel like a teenager with a crush. I have always been like that. And I fear I always will be like that. When it comes time I always have the bad, bring me down thoughts that I seem to never be able to fight off. Funny now I have those feelings more than not. For the amount I try and keep it positive, tis truly too hard. Is easier to live in the dream land of maybe. Cuz the reality usually is not all that one thinks it is!!!

Well, I think I said enough about him!!!  Well, was going to tell him via fb that he did well. Thought that may have been a good way to at least talk to him via internet. That way I hide the face turning red and rambling words that I would have. He disappered off of fb. Think that is the fates telling me not to contact him and just deal with the reality.  Live in the dream because it is all too good and I can have it turn out anyway I want it too!!!