Well, it has been eventful the last couple days yet nothing circumstantial. We had a play date with good friends today. It was an excellent date. It all went downhill after the date though........ 5 tantrums throughout the rest of the evening. Lots of crying and being unhappy this evening. It sure does test me as a person and a mom!!! Have to admit it was hard and I did loose my cool at some moments within. Hate when the tantrums are full out whale and kicking and throwing herself back. Makes you almost break, but within a few minutes you melt again!
As for all the health ideas. Funny, for how determined I was a couple days ago, I sure seemed to have forgotten all that and doubt has slipped into the mind. Its the whole beat myself before I am even challenged for it. I atmit I am totally lazy and for as much as I talk am ok to stay lazy!!!! I keep thinking of all the things I need to do but can't get enough gumption to do them. And its not the why change kind of ideas, I just don't want to do them. Would rather think of them. Am hoping something will change within my mind and it will all just jump into place! Maybe the doctors appointment on thursday will give me the kick in the ass that I need!!
Am thinking of things that I can do to make some money without having to inconvenience anyone too much with things. Have been looking through neighboring town to no avail. All the work there needs to be qualified this or that. Nothing for a single mom that needs part time job to slowly go into full time!!! I could go into the next town after that..... but that puts people out even farther than before. I need the job and money to move into a town that I can move around in on my own but with nothing close I find myself getting nowhere fast!!
OK...... birthday is 4 days away and it gets more like a regular day than anything else. My parents non chalantly handed me a $5.00 bear and says happy birthday and walk away. all the goals I am setting up for I am breaking down before I even start. All I know is I have been smoking more years than not as of 31 and I am at the worst health I have ever been. I break a sweat somedays just walking up the stairs. I mean, come on.... 13 stairs and I outof breathe! Yet, as these things are said it does nothing to motivate me. Just make me think of changing things without doing anything. I sure eventually something will just jump and I will start doing things..... but until then I get to live with my self loathing!!!
OK, that all for tonight, see what the next couple days bring!
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