Here comes another one!!!!

well, it has been awhile but nothing much has changed.

Lets see, I have a little girl who is in love with heya heya dancing. there isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't ask to go or to listen to the music so she can dance! I love the thought and sight of her dancing. She is just so happy and excited when she is dancing, she is like a different baby. Whe have taken her to 3 or 4 pow wows now and I have seen her grow and thrive there in no way I thought I would see her. She goes out by herself and nows where to go when she is done and she just does it! She has reminded me to go out and have fun and not care what everyone thinks of you!!

I am taking her to the rodeo next weekend. I wonder what she will teach me there!! lol Hoping it will all be fun. It should be. After all the entire family is going to be there. Including Pat, Louise and Cheyanne!! Then the weekend after we are having a hot tub weekend celebrating all the summer/fall birthdays. That should be great too. And the week after that we are going to the mountains with a friend of mine. It should be great fun. I can't wait for it all to come into play!!!  Think it is just what I need, hopefully!!!!

Anyway, that is all for now!

What changes have been made??

Well, after much thought and contemplating I have decided that nothing is changing.  Nothing that should be changing is changing. The obvious stuff that is going to change regardless of if I want it too or not is changing but the rest stays the same.  Things like Carrie going to potty by herself is a change, but one that would have been made in time anyway.  Me and who I am is not changing. I am still the procrastinator, the sit and let life take mw where It wants to take me, laid back relaxed girl!

With this in mind.... I am having a hard time writing here. The more I read back, the more I see the plain fakeness out of this.... I am not going to change. I don't know how, and quite frankly, I am not sure if I want to!! I know, disappointment! But I not being fair to anyone dragging them along thinking I am going to do these great things when I already know I am not there right now!

Who knows, maybe I will get there at some point, but not yet.  So, all I can say is hold on, and maybe  I may jump back on the changing bandwagon!!

So, this is going to become the, if things change or are exciting blog!! 


That is all for now.....goodnight!!!!!

ok..... back to it!!

Yup, it is time to get back to it!   It is almost half way through the year and I have moved very little through the things I wanted to do. Granted, I do have plans for some of my bucket list for the year. Guess that is a start. It is funny that all the things that have been already done all have to do with Carrie directly. Her, big girl bed and being dry and plans for trips are all to do with Carrie. It is great that she is the first priority in my head.

It is easy to make her the priority and push my stuff til the end. Now it is time to side saddle Carrie and put some of me first. The weight (that I am starting to gain again) and this smoking is getting way too out of hand. Need to just nip them in the butt and start being better about it. I have all the information needed to stop and reduce. Just need to add it up and put it in place.  I am pondering ways to quit smoking again. After 2 attempts with the cutting down to quitting being unsuccessful, am wondering if other ways and options could work better for me!  I wanna be smoke free for Carries birthday.... what could be a better gift than a mom on her way to healthier and making her healthier along the way! That would be a great gift..... even if there is no real significance to her! It would mean the world to me! OK.... there is a goal.... June 11th it is... gives me 17 days. WOW..... that is so definate, I kinda like it!

On good but sad news, the other parent got himself a job this week. He is now an employee of Home Depot. This means more stretching for care for carrie. Right now I have my neice staying with us until we can get something more set in stone, but I fear she won't last here long!!!! she doesn't stay anywhere long! Then we need to re evaluate who is dong what.  Have a feeling that it will be me to cut hours first. That really sucks because I was just starting to save up some money again. That puts the idea of a vehicle or a new place to live for this year..... maybe another year here may set things in better motion for proper amounts of savings!  Although it would be kinda great to have Carrie be here and go to school here. Couldn't think of a better place to continue to raise Carrie and have her grow and thrive. Maybe my heart is here and so should she. That just means the push to get the drivers license should be on. So, I can at least get out of the house when I would like to.   Thanks to all those that didn't help!!! lol.... had offers for people to let me drive, but when it came to it no one showed up!  Maybe I will hire the neighbor to let me practise driving. I have the basics, just haven't been behind the wheel in awhile. So, I need the practise desperatly!  Watch out roads.... I will soon be on them!

Well, that is all I can think of for the moment.... so I will leave it for awhile!!!!

will, write soon

Cheers to the learning!!!

Well, I have been amazed by my little girl! Just when I thought all was going to be the same forever she went and taught herself something. We have been trying for a long while to learn how to pee in the potty with very little success at all. It was nothing for her to sit on the potty, but nothing would ever happen. Then, out of the blue, she ran herself to the bathroom. That is not surprising, because she usually does that, but she peed and pooped. It shocked the hell out of me. no promting, no reminding her, she just went and did it.

At that moment I was SSSOOO excited for her!  realization soon kicked in when she wet herself soon after. At that point I thought, it was just a fluke. But yet again the next day she ran herself to the bathroom twice. That is when it hit me, just let her do it. When she was ready she will just do it and that is all. I know I have to let her get it on her own, that is the way she always has been, but mom needs to help!  It has been a week since she has done this and throughout the day she has 1 accident a day, but we are always close to the bathroom or just late pulling down her panty. So, it is there and she is really getting it!  It is also already setting in her night routine. She woke me last night to go potty! She didn't pee, but the idea was there that she needed to!

She amazes me so much. Just when I get into a rut and stuck in the mundaine, she pulls something out of her sleeve and it makes me rethink it all again!!! I truly and whole heartedly have to thank whoever sent her to me. She has totally opened my eyes to what can be done, and how sweet it all is! If I ever forget that.... all are free to smack me in the head til I remember!

Now that the amazement has been commented on, here is something else that is on my mind. I guess it is another form of amazement, just other end of spectrum. I have been sitting back and listening to people for awhile and the things that people not only think, but say are beyond me!  All relating to the fires in Slave Lake. There are comments about how they are already starting to milk the system and the choices people made while evacuating!! It seems people have such a small scope of seeing things that they can't fathom other things could be possible!! Not that I am never guilty of this, but it is just getting to me right now!!!  It is all over work, and it isn't just for slave lake!

that is all ofr now, have to go get ready for work!

I've been too gone, for too long....

and it's too late to come home now!!  If someone can tell me who sings that I would be very impressed!   And yes, it has been too long since I have been in here and writing. There is a simple answer for that. It's because nothing good has happened.
 
I have totally slipped on everything that I am working on!  I don't keep track of anything anymore and I do just what I have to to keep on going throughout the day. I am gaining weight and not caring at all about it.

Work is mundain and boring. I don't wanna be there or anywhere else. Just lost all umph for doing anything. Even the things that I love and fully enjoy doing with miss Carrie are dull.

I know, it sounds like depression and it probably is! Just have no jump for anything.


Anyway, someone wanted an update, so here it is! Hope you like it!! he he he

Welcome back!

As I sit here tonight, the juke box playing .... it brings memories when I was a trusting wife.... its a shame that all the blame is on us women.... it wasn't god who made honky tonk angels!!!   Tis the song that is running through my head. I know that is not how it goes but who said things are suppost to go in order! I am in a reminising kind of a mood tonight. As I sit here with a house of just me and Carrie. It is almost like sitting all in my own I start to think back to when it was just me. The parties, the outings, the doing anything whenever, and the going home to the cat! Don't read that wrong, I love my cat, but the little girl running to the door screaming mommy mommy is better! although someone coming to the door saying honey I missed you would be nice too!!  Still, nothing beats the little feet running is the best!

Well, on the perky side. I down to 9 smokes a day. Have been really struggling with this number. Not sure why, but this one is hard. Have been here for ove a week and just can't move foreward. I know it is me holding me back and not letting me get farther. Just gotta get that push going again to keep on going! The push will come back, just gotta find the right wind again! Until that wind comes I will just hold the fort as it is!

Weight is slowly going down again. I am down 3 pounds. I hit a depressing moment recently. I had to buy myself a new bathing suit and it wasn't a good expereince. I have never had to buy such a big bathing suit before! It was quite heart wrenching!  just another push to get into the sizes that I used to be in!

anyway, am getting tired, I think!  Think I just in a mood to sit in the quiet and be one with me. Has been a long time!  Good night!

just to catch everyone up.... including me!

So, welcome to the reading area! It is a grande area, for of glorious trees and vast streams. You can hear birds chirpping and the light breeze makes the leaves rustle. Ah, what a wonderful place. Now take a deep breathe and slowly exhale!

Now, that I have made you all calm and serene I will start with my rant. Not sure why I chose to write that first, just thought it would be different! Kinda tells the mood I am in too! Feel a little goofy today, which is a good thing!

Well, as for the things I am working on. I am sadly up 2 pounds so far. Ah, guess I can't always go down, that would be just wrong! lol   Today I am at 12 smokes for the day. was at 15 yesterday and I will have 1 more today. Found 14 tough to hold onto. So, this is going to be my goal for the next little while!!! 

Not really much more to say right now! Just thought I would quickly update and be done with it all. Will write more when things change!


AND SLEEP!!!!!