OMG!!!!!!!

I cannot believe it has been two years since I last wrote a word on here! OK, I can believe it and I remember why!

What have I done in the last 2 years?? not much really. I have walked my girl to the bus stop for her first year of school this year. She has her kindergarten graduation tomorrow!  Mommy is very proud, and a little sad too! This means that she is not the little girl I loved her being . She now has big ideas and her problems are getting slowly bigger. Not sure if I can handle the bigger problems and that scares me.

I have also watched my brother in law slowly deteriorate and wither away. He is now the shell of a man he was at the beginning of last year. He has leukemia and it will kill him. I fear he is really close to the end of his life. Its funny that I am not worried about sadness, or how his family or my sister or niece will be. I am so very scared of what Carrie will take out of this! I know that eventually everyone learns about deal and dying, but it sucks that she is just 6 and has been watching uncle decline in front of her!

I have a great nephew as well! He is 17 months old and is named Wyatt. He is a handsome little boy with an attitude to match his mothers. I see many a fight in their future! he and Carrie and growing up like brother and sister, due to all living under one roof! |It is great to have the closeness in the house. |I am sure we will need it sooner than later!

On the positive note, today is day 109 for not smoking! it has been a long battle that is far from over. Every day I want to be a smoker and smoke. I miss it so very much it bugs me muchly. Then i have moments of thanks that I no longer need that addiction! This is the scary part, the longest I have ever been without smoking was 112 days. So, I will be the farthest I have ever been in a couple days.

With this great achievement comes another gain. Yup, almost 30 pounds of it!! I feel like a whale out of water. Nothing fits anymore and my body aches. I had someone tell me when I first quit smoking that by the summer I will be running around with Carrie with no loss of breathe or the coughing. I don't cough anymore (and I didn't before either) and I am no closer to keeping up with her! Just can't seem to keep the silver lining bright. Am still looking at the dark side of the moon!!


Anyway, that's it. In a nutshell, my life in 5 short paragraphs. WOW!!!