It has been 2 days since my last writing. Sure, I know, go from none in years to multiple just to confuse everyone! I just thought I would update and let myself know what was going on.
Yesterday was a very bitter sweet day for me. I have been excited for Carrie Anne's kindergarten graduation for awhile now, but it was tainted by sad news. My brother in law who has been fighting cancer for the past year past away. It was in the early hours of the morning that he passed and it broke all of our hearts. We all agreed that just because our hearts were broken we did not want to dampen her very special day. So, we all pretended to be a happy family for her!
Her graduation was beautiful. They sang songs and walked across the stage to get their little diploma's and the teacher said a little speech about each one. Carrie is quiet and patient, knows all her letters and sounds, can count well and wants to be an artist when she grows up because she likes to draw!I had many tears during that ceremony and i have to admit there were a few that were not due to her graduating.
I spent much time going through my head how I was going to tell Carrie when the time came. I played out all possible ways with all possible outcomes, but I often thought I could just continue thinking of it because it wasn't here yet. Well, now it was and I had to tell her soon than later. I didn't want her to overhear and freak out. So, out for a walk we went. We made it half way around the block and I just told her. Said he was in heaven and that we would see him again one day. Her response was amazing. For a 6 year old I would have expected many questions and not a full understanding of it. She had 1 question : she asked if we would see Uncle again? I said no, and that was it. She moved us onto another topic before I could blink.
That's another example of how she amazes me daily. Her quiet and calm strength, her ability to just get it, and how she is so collected about things, makes me wonder where she gets it from! I am very grateful that she is in my life and I thank my lucky stars that someone has sent her my way!
Friday, June 20, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
OMG!!!!!!!
I cannot believe it has been two years since I last wrote a word on here! OK, I can believe it and I remember why!
What have I done in the last 2 years?? not much really. I have walked my girl to the bus stop for her first year of school this year. She has her kindergarten graduation tomorrow! Mommy is very proud, and a little sad too! This means that she is not the little girl I loved her being . She now has big ideas and her problems are getting slowly bigger. Not sure if I can handle the bigger problems and that scares me.
I have also watched my brother in law slowly deteriorate and wither away. He is now the shell of a man he was at the beginning of last year. He has leukemia and it will kill him. I fear he is really close to the end of his life. Its funny that I am not worried about sadness, or how his family or my sister or niece will be. I am so very scared of what Carrie will take out of this! I know that eventually everyone learns about deal and dying, but it sucks that she is just 6 and has been watching uncle decline in front of her!
I have a great nephew as well! He is 17 months old and is named Wyatt. He is a handsome little boy with an attitude to match his mothers. I see many a fight in their future! he and Carrie and growing up like brother and sister, due to all living under one roof! |It is great to have the closeness in the house. |I am sure we will need it sooner than later!
On the positive note, today is day 109 for not smoking! it has been a long battle that is far from over. Every day I want to be a smoker and smoke. I miss it so very much it bugs me muchly. Then i have moments of thanks that I no longer need that addiction! This is the scary part, the longest I have ever been without smoking was 112 days. So, I will be the farthest I have ever been in a couple days.
With this great achievement comes another gain. Yup, almost 30 pounds of it!! I feel like a whale out of water. Nothing fits anymore and my body aches. I had someone tell me when I first quit smoking that by the summer I will be running around with Carrie with no loss of breathe or the coughing. I don't cough anymore (and I didn't before either) and I am no closer to keeping up with her! Just can't seem to keep the silver lining bright. Am still looking at the dark side of the moon!!
Anyway, that's it. In a nutshell, my life in 5 short paragraphs. WOW!!!
What have I done in the last 2 years?? not much really. I have walked my girl to the bus stop for her first year of school this year. She has her kindergarten graduation tomorrow! Mommy is very proud, and a little sad too! This means that she is not the little girl I loved her being . She now has big ideas and her problems are getting slowly bigger. Not sure if I can handle the bigger problems and that scares me.
I have also watched my brother in law slowly deteriorate and wither away. He is now the shell of a man he was at the beginning of last year. He has leukemia and it will kill him. I fear he is really close to the end of his life. Its funny that I am not worried about sadness, or how his family or my sister or niece will be. I am so very scared of what Carrie will take out of this! I know that eventually everyone learns about deal and dying, but it sucks that she is just 6 and has been watching uncle decline in front of her!
I have a great nephew as well! He is 17 months old and is named Wyatt. He is a handsome little boy with an attitude to match his mothers. I see many a fight in their future! he and Carrie and growing up like brother and sister, due to all living under one roof! |It is great to have the closeness in the house. |I am sure we will need it sooner than later!
On the positive note, today is day 109 for not smoking! it has been a long battle that is far from over. Every day I want to be a smoker and smoke. I miss it so very much it bugs me muchly. Then i have moments of thanks that I no longer need that addiction! This is the scary part, the longest I have ever been without smoking was 112 days. So, I will be the farthest I have ever been in a couple days.
With this great achievement comes another gain. Yup, almost 30 pounds of it!! I feel like a whale out of water. Nothing fits anymore and my body aches. I had someone tell me when I first quit smoking that by the summer I will be running around with Carrie with no loss of breathe or the coughing. I don't cough anymore (and I didn't before either) and I am no closer to keeping up with her! Just can't seem to keep the silver lining bright. Am still looking at the dark side of the moon!!
Anyway, that's it. In a nutshell, my life in 5 short paragraphs. WOW!!!
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