This entry is dedicated to Darius Rucker and his song "it won't be like this ". If you know it you will understand why shortly!
It has been awhile and things have been crazy and chaotic! I have finally got my little girl into daycare. It was suppost to be a great and wonderful thing. I was hoping for a smooth transition and a fun and easy getaway into fun for her, but of course it is not how it worked! The first day and a half was magic. She really enjoyed all of the excitement of kids and all the new toys. Then she started to miss mommy and the struggle began. I have taken her crying into a place and left her there on a few occasions now and it breaks my heart every time. When we talk of daycare she starts to cry and it breaks my heart. Just the sadness of it all! I know it will not last that long, the broken heart just kills me! There are days I wonder how I am going to get through this. It just makes me wanna cry and hold her close and never let her go! But I know I must be strong and persist through this, even if it breaks my heart every day!
Now that I have the daycare in order (kinda) it is time to find something more daytime and scheduled for me. Am looking for somewhere in Morinville now to work. Would have to pay me enough to save up and be able to sustain me when and if I ever move into Morinville. I would very quickly move into morinville if given the right amount of chance and survival! It is not the city but it is also not the parents house! In the same kind of ideal it would be just as easy, if not easier, to get my license a vehicle and insurance. This way we do not leave the comfort that my baby is accustomed to!!
On all other fronts things are going backwards. I am gaining weight, increasing smoking and slowly loosing all cinfidence with myself!! Not sure how or why, but it just is!! lol
think that is all. The big thing on the mind is getting a girl comfortable with being in care!!! any ideas, please feel free to let me know what I am doing wrong!!!
She's never been apart from you for long periods of time before has she? She'll get used to it. Nice to feel important though, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteStress will cause weight gain, and is probably why you are smoking more. My friend is quitting with the help of a fake cigarette full of water. I tease him about his 'hookah', but it seems to be offering good results. I'll get more info for you.
Don't worry about the weight. When things settle down a bit, it will happen. Meanwhile, try to watch your portions, and try to stay away from processed foods. :)
I know you can do this. A set back is NOT a failure. Believe in yourself, and, when you are ready, try again. I /know/ that you can do it. I believe.