Alright, the title may not make sense, but if you have ever lived or seen my world it does make sense some days! We are all going in so many different directions and we intertwine and intermix with each other at least once every day that there is harmony within the chaos of going 20 different directions. But that is not why I have the title today. It is purely for my mind pattern! I know it usually goes all over the place and I can't control it well, but I have really lost it this time. I am thinking things I have never thought before and details of thing long in the past are coming into my head and it is confusing me to no end. It makes me forever think (and usually frustrate me) about all that pops into my head, but I continue on. I won't say happily continue, but I do.
I have been really unhappy and angry lately. Quick to anger and anger for people that do not deserve it or warrant it at all! It breaks my heart to think that my dear boy Wyatt brings such anger in me, and so quickly. All he has to do is look at me lately and I am yelling and wondering why he looking at me! Work is the same way. The negative is always there and I can very easily bring it out in myself. Weather it be complaining about work itself or customers, or the things I can or cannot do..... whatever it is, I get grumpy every day. Not yell and bang my fists angry, just grumpy and not at all impressed!
I have done two things in light of all of this. I have applied for a different job within WalMart. Maybe a change in the surroundings will help the mind set. I have also applied for a job outside of WalMart! Again, a change in surrounding may be what I need. Either way, am not putting too much stalk into either one yet. Would rather be surprised than disappointed!
It's official, I have been a non smoker for 5 months. I feel like crap, I have gained 35 pounds, all of my friends at work are smokers, my blood pressure and heart rate have increased, and not one day goes by that I don't ponder going back to being a smoker. I miss it so bad some days that I sit in the chair I used to smoke in and just rock back and forth thinking about a cigarette. I know they are bad for me and I am doing a fantastic job with not smoking. I just want to be one again! The only difference everyone else notices is that I don't cough as much, which I don't believe!
Yup, it's official. I'm fat, I'm ugly and (if my mom had a choice) my mother dresses me funny! That is where I sit right now!!! not sure what else I would say. All I know, is that it would be negative today.... which is not a good mind frame.!!
